


UnderCovers

by guardgirl15



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Sex, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Force Choking (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, No use of y/n, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Protective Kylo Ren, Smut, Some kinky shit, Vaginal Fingering, all of the angst, kylo ren apologizes?, once again I’ve gone off the deep end, so much choking, we finna be all up in our feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23509486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardgirl15/pseuds/guardgirl15
Summary: You're a resistance spy doing your best to discover the enemy's plans. The First Order, enemy of all you hold dear, was not easy to infiltrate, but you had no trouble keeping your head down and your cover intact... until now. Kylo Ren poses a threat to everything you've worked so hard for, but he wants you. Is that enough to make you falter?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader
Kudos: 23





	1. A Resistance Spy

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Wattpad by me, the owner of this story. I do not own any rights to the Star Wars franchise, however I am the author of this work, which is an original.

The morning alarm sounded throughout the tiny room allotted to you, startling you awake. Today marks one year of successfully hiding on Starkiller base, you thought triumphantly. Most resistance spies were usually caught within the first few months of their time pretending to serve the First Order, and you were proud to have gotten this far undetected. So far. 

Although you had no desire to get out of your tiny cot, there was work to be done. Enlisting in the first Order Was a doozy. They were always looking for more medical personnel, and you had spent your most of your teenage years training as a medbay nurse with the Resistance. In fact, you'd worked hard enough training in nursing and espionage to become the youngest female resistance spy at the age of 18. A whole year of not being caught felt invigorating, which helped you find the desire to force yourself out of bed.

After quickly showering and dressing, you walked quickly to your assigned medbay, ready for another day's work of healing stormtroopers and officers that managed to hurt themselves while on duty. 

You had sympathy for the lower ranking members of the First Order, because most of them were taken from their families at a young age and forced to enlist. They had no other choice, and you felt no bitterness towards them as you healed their wounds. However, you were glad that you had never treated or even had to speak with a higher ranking member. Despite all of your training, your blood boiled whenever you passed a general or other official in the halls. You were glad that you were just a lowly entry level nurse and only dealt with the inferior members of the military. 

After a great deal of walking and thinking, you finally reached medbay clinic D27, clocked in, and mentally prepared yourself for a long day of blood, bruising, and broken bones. A friendly voice snapped you out of your reverie.

"Oops, didn't mean to scare ya," apologized Dalys, the friendly old nurse that had taken you under her wing during your first few weeks working at the clinic. 

"That's all right Dalys," you replied, chuckling. "Guess I'm just a little bit on edge today."

"Well, I've got some bad news for you then, darling," she said. You groaned, hoping it wasn't anything too serious. "They're wanting you in the office at 0900 hours. I'd like to think that it's a promotion, but you never know here."

"Thanks for letting me know, I'll be sure to let you know what happens," you responded, anxiety already bubbling in your stomach. Have you been discovered? No, if they had discovered you're a spy for the resistance, you would have already been detained. Commander Ren liked to make examples of all resistance members and sympathizers he found on his base. Public executions. Mandatory attendance. The thought churned your stomach even worse. Luckily nobody you recognized had been executed since you arrived, but it wasn't much comfort. There was at least one execution a month, and you hoped it wasn't your turn coming up. 

Gritting your teeth, you proceeded to the triage area, treating the wounds of stormtroopers and petty officers until it was time to report to your superiors at the office. 

Your nerves were a complete wreck as you stood outside the door, but you took a deep breath and hoped to the stars for good luck. Steeling yourself, you rapped twice and waited to be admitted.


	2. A New Development

The door swung open, startling you. "Enter," called a voice. You swallowed hard, prepared yourself, and stepped over the threshold. The door slammed shut behind you with a loud crash. Scanning the small room, you saw a man seated at a long desk with a nurse on either side of him. 

"Y-you wanted to see me, sir?" You stammered, heart thumping in your chest. Play it cool, you're most likely not found out. Just don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak-

"Yes. Sit down." You walked forward and forced your shaky legs to lower yourself into a chair on the other side of the table. "I understand today marks your first year of working here. Congratulations," he remarked dryly.

"Th-thank you sir. How may I be of assistance?" It was taking everything you had not to wring your hands together in your lap. Just breathe, you'll get through this, you reassured yourself.

"Actually, there is one thing," the man responded, "we have noted that your performance here has been excellent, for someone so young. It is time that you moved forward in your career here at Starkiller Base. Tomorrow morning you will report to an interview for a position in Medbay A."

His words shocked you. You definitely weren't expecting a potential promotion to Medbay A, the highest, most prestigious of all the clinics. "Thank you sir, I'm quite honored to have this interview," you finally managed to reply.

"Now, do not mess this up. It will reflect badly on me if you manage to make a huge mistake in Commander Ren's personal Medbay," the man said, sneering at you.

"His personal medbay?" You repeated, once again shocked. This was not good. You had a much higher chance of your cover being blown if you were constantly around Kylo Ren himself.

"That's right, girl. If you successfully get the position, which I expect will be the case, you will be healing him exclusively." 

Oh stars, this is really not good. No good at all. "I will do my best to secure that position, and I assure you that there will be no mistakes, sir." You hoped they couldn't tell that you were shaking.

"Good. You are dismissed. Take the rest of the day off as a reward for your diligent service and hard work. You will report to Medbay A at 0700 tomorrow morning." He flicked his hand, and you quickly stood up and shuffled out of the room, wondering how the hell you were going to go forward with this new development in your "career."

At least you've got the rest of the day off, you thought as you walked back to your living quarters. That's good, right? And if you're working in a higher position, perhaps you will be able to find out even more intel to send to the Resistance. But all that was on the condition of not being caught. 

Your door finally opened after you had punched in the wrong code out of anxiety... three times. After it shut, you let your legs give out beneath you and slid down to the floor, back resting against the cool metal door. If you ended up getting the position, this new assignment would be a challenge. You hoped to the stars that you wouldn't say something stupid and compromise yourself, or that this wasn't some grand trick to get you to reveal that you were, in fact a Resistance spy. 

If you were discovered having advanced so far in the First Order, the whole operation was ruined. I can't mess this up. For more reasons than getting in trouble from my current superiors. I have to be successful for the Resistance... there's no other choice.

Hours later, you lay awake in bed long after lights out, unable to calm yourself to sleep. Tossing and turning, you poured over possible scenarios in your head, trying to prepare yourself for anything and everything. You knew it was impossible though, Kylo Ren was a powerful warrior and you were just a nurse. You mulled over attack strategies, trying to remember everything you had learned training with the Resistance.

However, nothing could prepare you for what would come the next day. What Kylo Ren would decide to do with you.


	3. The Interview

Here we go, you thought while pushing the door open and stepping inside of Medbay A. After speaking with the nurse at the desk, you were directed into the room where you would be questioned in order to determine your eligibility for this potential promotion. 

The panel of interviewers first asked you questions about your medical knowledge, which you were more than qualified to answer. Then they started asking about your past, most likely determining your loyalty. 

"Where were you born?" 

"I was born on Corellia, sir." This was actually true. In your espionage training from the Resistance, you had been instructed to lie as little as possible. That way it was easier to keep a cover intact; it was easier to keep a story straight.

"How old were you at the age of enlistment?"

"18, ma'am." Breathe. You're okay, you reassured yourself.

"Where did you train?"

"I was first trained by my grandmother, a retired nurse from her days in the Empire." A lie. You had never known any of your family, but the interviewers didn't need to know that.

They continued to ask similar questions, which was exhausting. Eventually, they seemed satisfied, though. "Excellent," the man in charge said, calling you by name. "Congratulations, you've been promoted to Commander Ren's personal nurse. We appreciate your loyalties to the first order."

You bit back a sneer. Don't blow it, don't blow it, don't blow it.....

"Th- thank you!" You tried to sound cheery, as if this prospect wasn't terrifying you down to your core. 

After being dismissed from the interview room, you were directed to the operating room, where you were to remain until you were needed by Kylo Ren himself. Great, I'm basically just on call for the entity I hate most. Is he even human? You wondered as you sat there, hoping you would never have to find out for yourself. 

Unfortunately, your communicator beeped right at that moment. Kylo Ren was on his way to the medbay; he needed a training wound treated, nothing too serious. Unless you were found out, then things would be very serious. 

Oh stars help me, you implored as you got the room ready, trying to mentally prepare yourself. Could he read minds?

The door flew open and you snapped to attention, struggling to breathe out of anxiety. Heavy footsteps pounded towards you. It was him. You stared as he came through the door, never actually having seen him before now. 

Kylo Ren was huge. His height dwarfed your smaller figure. His arms and torso were so muscular that you knew he would have no trouble putting you out of your misery without the use of the force. And.... something about that aroused you.

Snap out of it! "How may I be of assistance, Commander?" You asked, breath hitching in your throat. 

"Did I give you permission to talk, nurse?" He replied, angry. You shook your head, afraid. "Treat my hands. Now." He peeled off his leather gloves, revealing tanned hands, evidence of his humanity.

You examined them, taking in the sight: he had sustained severe burns. "Umm..." you trailed off, afraid to speak to him again.

"What is it?" He snapped.

You swallowed nervously, and suddenly found your courage. "Could you please sit down and place your hands on the examining tab, Commander? I can't treat you unless your hands are on a surface."

To your surprise, he sat. Wordlessly. You let your mind wander as you treated him, cleaning off the wounds before applying a salve. You tried not to stare, but his mask kept capturing his attention. What does he look like? Is he just a man, I wonder, as human as anyone else? Oh.... can he read thoughts? You squirmed, not wanting him to find out anything about your ulterior motives of working on Starkiller Base.

Kylo Ren noticed. Of course he did. "What is it?"

"I... nothing, Commander," you stammered, finally finishing bandaging his hands.

"What is it?" He snapped. "You will answer me when I ask you a question, nurse."

"I- I was wondering if you could read my thoughts," you said, gritting your teeth and looking at the floor. 

"I can. But only if I try. Would you like me to read your thoughts? Perhaps there is something to be learned from what is going on behind those eyes of yours."

Heart pounding, you gasped. "N-no Commander! It's nothing!" Oh no. Oh stars.

"Hmm. We'll see about that, girl. It seems that you're hiding something."

Before you could argue, he stretched out a hand, his long fingers twitching. And with that, he was inside your head. 

You gasped, a wave of pain rolling through your temples. Knees trembling, you gripped the edge of the table for support.

"Oh, that is interesting," he mused. "I... aroused you earlier? And you were wondering if I'm even human?" 

You flushed, wanting to die of embarrassment. But you were unable to speak due to the hold on your mind. You took a deep breath, trying to fight him out of your head.

"Quite a ferocious little thing." He released his hold on you, and you fell to your knees, gasping. "I'd advise you not to fight back again, or I may be forced to... punish you." His voice changed to something almost lusty at the last few words, but you couldn't dwell on it. Before you could say anything else, he grabbed his gloves and left as quickly as he had entered. You were still on the floor gaping at him as he slammed the door behind him. 

"Punish me?" You wondered out loud, even more confused as to why you had liked it when he said that. You little slut! You thought, ashamed of yourself. Here you are, cover still intact, and you're thinking of how you want him to punish you? What you want him to do to you? Snap out of it! 

You spent the remainder of your shift thinking about Kylo Ren. His hands. His voice through the vocoder of his helmet. How his tone had changed to something darker and more heady when he talked about punishing you. What is going on with me?

After your shift ended and you had hurried home, your thoughts once again returned to your encounter with Kylo Ren. Before you fell asleep, your last thought was something to the effect of wondering exactly what he had in mind as far as a punishment.


	4. Second Encounter

The next few days were uneventful as you showed up to work on time and waited for Kylo Ren to come in. He never showed up. Each day without seeing him caused you to feel more and more anxious about your first and only encounter. What had gotten into you that day? And why, oh why, did thinking about him still turn you on? This is ridiculous! 

Just as that last thought rang through your head, the pain drove into your temples. Again. At the same time, you heard loud footsteps crashing towards you and the door flew open. It was him. "Ridiculous? What's ridiculous?" asked Kylo Ren mockingly. The pain went away, finally; at least he was no longer reading your mind.

You were already at attention, ready to heal whatever injury he had sustained this time. "How may I be of assistance, Commander?"

His mask whipped around, glaring at your face. "I asked you a question." An invisible pressure wrapped around your throat, constricting your windpipe. Putting a hand to your neck, you gasped for air. He released the Force's hold on you slowly. "I suggest you answer me right away next time, unless you'd like that to happen again."

You filthy slut! Did you really just... enjoy that? You thought, a little ashamed. "I- I was thinking that you're the one that's ridiculous! You come in here with your burned hands and talk about punishing me, read my thoughts, then come back completely unannounced and do it all again! And I'm even more ridiculous for being into it," you blurted, clapping a hand over your mouth. Too late. Did I really just say all of that? Well I guess it's too late now. He's probably going to kill me. To your surprise, you found yourself saying, "now do you have an injury for me to treat, or did you just come in here to antagonize me?"

He didn't speak for a moment, seemingly taken aback by your boldness. Finally, Kylo Ren's voice came through the vocoder of his mask. "I don't have an injury. I enjoyed tormenting you the last time, and came to see if you were in need of some... punishment. You're a foolish, disrespectful girl, and it seems that my feelings were correct. You are in need of a good punishment." 

Your breath hitched in your throat. How could he turn you on so easily? "Oh, I see..." you trailed off, uncertain of how to respond to his statement. The pain between your temples returned, signaling that he was once again reading your thoughts. You gritted your teeth.

"You've been a very naughty girl while I've been away, haven't you?" His voice brought back unwanted memories. There you were, hand between your thighs. Touching yourself to the thought of him. More than once. His voice changed on the next sentence, sounding more heady, even lustful. "A very naughty girl indeed. I believe you're in need of some severe... discipline." 

"Wh-what did you have in mind, commander?" you asked, breathless, knowing that you were embarrassingly wet between your thighs. 

"I'm going to absolutely destroy you. But not today. You haven't been quite bad enough for that yet, little slut." He moved towards you, causing you to instinctively back up. He continued walking towards you, and eventually your back touched the wall. You were trapped; there was nowhere for you to go. You gaped up, trying to see through to his eyes. It was pointless, of course. He stopped about a foot in front of you and looked you up and down. "Take off your clothes," ordered Kylo Ren.

You obliged, hands shaking as you pulled your smock over your head, slowly removing everything until you stood before him, completely vulnerable. He ran a gloved hand across your cheek, brushing your hair back behind your ear. His hand didn't stop there, trailing down your neck and across your chest. Suddenly he was pressed up against you, his hand exploring places that felt oh so good. You could feel his cock grow hard against your thigh, even through the layers of his clothing. You moaned as his finger went in deeper. 

Suddenly he was moving you across the room to the operating table, sweeping the tools onto the ground with a flick of his mind. He didn't take his hands off of you the entire time as he lifted you up and set you down on the table. "Lay back," he ordered. You swallowed, laying down on the cold metal table as he continued to finger you. He inserted another finger, and finally a third as he rubbed your clit with his other hand. The pleasure was enough to take your mind off of the cold metal biting into your bare skin. You screamed, unable to take it anymore as the orgasm ripped through you. Shuddering, you rode out the aftershocks, noticing that he had taken his hand out.

You whimpered, aching for more. Kylo Ren chuckled, bringing a gloved hand up to his mouth. To your horror, he licked it clean of your juices. He put his other hand to your mouth, and you shook your head. "Taste it. See what I've done to you, little slut." You squirmed, but finally gave in to the curiosity enveloping you. 

"I have a name," you finally said, annoyed. Being called a slut was fine in the heat of the moment, but it was starting to get old. 

"And why would I care about that?" he snapped. "You're nothing to me. Completely and utterly replaceable. Make sure you get that through that pretty head of yours." He whirled around, footsteps shattering the silence of the empty medbay as he left, slamming the door behind him. 

There you were, still naked on the table. You lay there for a minute, feeling dazed and a bit in shock before finding it in you to get up. What he had said to you was hurtful, but it shouldn't matter. You're a resistance spy! You've been very lucky to get this far without your secret getting discovered. And now, this? Kylo Ren, your sworn enemy, fingering you on an operating table? If he looks hard enough, he will sense that I'm with the resistance. He will kill you. You mean nothing to him. You wouldn't lie to yourself. It hurt to just be viewed as an object, just another girl to please Kylo Ren. So you vowed that day that it would never happen again.

You were resolved. He would never get to "punish" you, as long as you had a say in things.


	5. Who Are You?

The next few days were mostly uneventful, as you had neither seen nor heard from Kylo Ren during that time. You decided to spend the extra time doing a full inventory and re-organization of Commander Ren's medbay. If you had to work there, things could at least be organized by your standard. There you were, standing on a stepladder organizing a supply closet when Ren himself stepped into the room. He entered silently, and you didn't notice he was there until he cleared his throat from behind you.

You gasped, startled by his sudden appearance. The stepladder wobbled beneath you as you lost your balance, starting to fall. To your immense embarrassment, you fell directly onto Kylo Ren. He reached out at the last possible second to catch you with both arms, and you could feel his gaze burning into you even through his helmet. Immediately turning red, you scrambled away from him, apologizing profusely. 

"Interesting... it appears that you're clumsy as well as a slut," he mused. He didn't sound angry, but it was difficult to tell with his vocoder. You chose to ignore this comment, which probably against your better judgement. Ignoring him at all, that is.

"How can I be of service, Commander?" you asked, involuntarily gritting your teeth. He noticed.

"Careful there, nurse. You don't want me to think that you're... angry with me. That would result in quite the unpleasant punishment for you," he retorted. You were absolutely sure that he was smirking under that helmet. 

Don't get turned on... don't even think about it, you urged yourself. "My apologies, Commander Ren," you said out loud, "is there anything medical I can attend to this afternoon?" You forced yourself to relax your clenched fists, not wanting to make him angry. 

"No, actually. There's something else this time." You gazed at him, surprised that he had nothing better to do than bother you at work. In fact, you were positive that he had a great deal of important duties as a commander of the First Order. Instead of responding, you simply raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue. "I can't explain it. There's absolutely no reason why this should be happening, but... I can't get you out of my head. Ever since the last time I was in here and I had you on that table, you've been the only thing that's on my mind. I need to know why; you shouldn't be important at all."

You glanced down, cheeks flushing at them memory of his fingers inside of you the last time you were both in here. Even thinking about it made the apex of your thighs grow warm, and you flushed darker at the realization that you were very much turned on at that moment. "I... I don't know what to say. I'm not important in the slightest," you lied. You hoped that he wouldn't search in your mind, knowing that he would find out your secret if he looked hard enough. He would figure out that you were a Resistance spy and have you killed for sure. 

"Perhaps. Perhaps not, though. I'm going to find out for myself." He took a step towards you and you instinctively took a step back. He stepped forward again, and you backed up. Eventually, your back was against the wall and you had nowhere to go. Suddenly, your arms were glued to the wall and you couldn't move them from your sides. He stretched out a hand, and you felt the pain inside your head again. 

Oh no no no no, not again please, you begged him as he dug deep into your head. You could feel him sifting through intimate, personal memories and wanted nothing more than for him to stop. He was getting close to finding out your secret. As a last effort, you screamed aloud and pushed against him mentally with everything that you had. Surprisingly enough, it worked. Kylo Ren recoiled in shock, taking a step back. His force-hold on your arms subsided, and you rubbed your wrists.

"What... what are you? What the hell?" he exclaimed, staring at you with a mix of shock and horror. You felt something warm and wet trickling out of your nose and wiped it with your sleeve. It was blood, hot and red as Ren's lightsaber. 

"I- I have no idea what you're talking about! All I did was try to push you out of my head," you replied, fighting the urge to sob. Your head was still throbbing from his brutal probing. 

"You actually resisted me," Ren said, "only someone who's force sensitive or a Jedi Knight can do that. I'll ask you again, who are you?" His voice was uneven, almost trembling. 

A single tear trickled down your cheek. "I have no idea who I am," you whispered. Your parents died when you were very young, supposedly. You had little to no memory of your early childhood, maybe bits and pieces here and there. You had only ever found yourself when the Resistance took you in, but you weren't about to tell him that. 

Kylo Ren leaned in closer to you. "I'm going to run some tests. Sit down on the table," he commanded. You quickly obliged, not wanting to anger him into going through your head again. Somehow you had evaded suspicion of being with the Resistance, and you intended to keep it that way. He pulled out his communicator, furiously typing out a message. "I've ordered a team to come and test your blood count for midichlorians. I will know if you're simply force sensitive, or if you can be trained to become a Jedi Knight... or the next Sith." You were unable to hide the shudder that ran through your body. You absolutely did not want Kylo Ren to train you into becoming a new enemy to the Resistance, so you hoped that you were simply force sensitive, or that it was all a mistake.

The medical team arrived shortly, consisting of a woman with a datascreen, two scientists, and a stormtrooper. They surrounded you, ordering you to stretch out your arm. They prodded a needle into you, draining a sufficient amount of blood to run the necessary tests. The woman with the datascreen cleared her throat nervously. "C- Commander Ren, sir?"

"What is it?" he snapped, causing everyone in the room to jump. You forced yourself to take deep breaths, not wanting to have a panic attack in front of Kylo Ren, your sworn enemy. 

"Her midichlorian count is extremely high, sir. We only see this in those with the ability to be trained in the ways of the force; trained in the light or the dark side," she responded. You gripped the side of the table in order to keep yourself from fainting. Your worst nightmare had come true. "We also took the liberty of running an ancestry test. Her blood has a 25% match with Obi-Wan Kenobi, which means that he is either her maternal or paternal grandfather."

Kylo Ren turned to face the woman. "Oh, now this is quite interesting, indeed. You are dismissed," Ren said, and the medical team quickly filed out of the room. He then turned back to you, and your stomach filled with dread. "Obi-Wan Kenobi's granddaughter," he mused, "it turns out my intuition was right. You are important after all, little slut."


	6. Do With Her as You See Fit

You looked at Kylo Ren with wide eyes, willing yourself to stop trembling before him. He had been staring at you through the cold, dead visor of his helmet since the medical team left, and had only spoken to call you a slut. 

Finally, you took a deep breath and prepared yourself to speak. "What are you going to do with me now?" You asked, hoping the question wouldn't make him angry.

To your surprise, he actually responded. "I'm going to take you my master, Supreme Leader Snoke. You will be my apprentice, and I will train you in the ways of the force— I just need his approval first." You sat there on the table staring at him, still in a little bit of shock. Ren reached out a gloved hand to you, and you instinctively flinched, realizing too late that he was offering to help you down from the table instead of probing your mind. He slowly lowered the hand to his side, and despite hating the man, you felt a little guilty. 

"I... I'm sorry," you stammered, "I thought you were going to-"

"I know. It doesn't matter. Come with me, I'm taking you to see Supreme Leader Snoke," Kylo Ren said, cutting off your half-hearted apologies. He started towards the door, and you hurriedly slid off of the table and quickened your steps to keep up with his long strides. To your chagrin, you found yourself watching his rear end as the two of you walked, appreciating what you saw. Stop it, he'll turn around and catch you looking, you thought, internally reprimanding yourself.

Ren led you through the deep, dark hallways of Starkiller Base, taking a path that was obviously unfamiliar to you. Though you tried your best to keep track of each turn, you were unable to make an accurate map of the base in your head due to Kylo Ren's quickening pace. That, and the high amount of turns that he was taking. Finally, he stopped in front of a massive door, and you nearly crashed into him for the second time that day. 

He suddenly turned to face you. "Say nothing unless you are spoken to. Also, make sure to kneel when I kneel. The Supreme Leader can tear you apart with a single thought, regardless of your bloodline. You don't want to give him a reason to do so. I... I want you alive after this. So do what he says, and no harm will come to you." You wanted to process what he said, wanted to think about what it meant when he said that he wanted you alive. However, you didn't get the chance. As soon as he had finished speaking to you, Ren pivoted and pushed the large, inky black doors open. You had no choice but to follow him as he entered the enormous dark room, walking down the aisle that eventually led to a giant throne. 

Something flickered to life on the throne, and you soon realized that it was Supreme Leader Snoke himself. You were glad that he wasn't there in the flesh, and that it was just a holographic projection. However, you didn't doubt that he was capable of using the force on you. That was terrifying. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ren stop walking and kneel. You quickly did the same, most likely bruising your knee in the process of dropping to the ground.

Snoke's holograph began speaking. "Kylo Ren, what have you dragged in here this time? Explain yourself, boy. You know I don't approve of you bringing in unimportant, uninvited guests." His voice sent shivers down your spine, and you could tell that he was truly evil. You wanted nothing to do with this man. 

Ren cleared his throat, and you wondered if he was nearly as nervous as you were feeling. "Supreme Leader. I have had strong feelings indicating that this girl might be force sensitive. I took the liberty of running a blood test a few minutes ago, and found that her midichlorian levels are off the charts. 14,500 was the exact count."

Snoke eyes finally rested on you, and your gaze quickly darted to the ground. You did not want this monster's scrutiny. "Interesting... if I remember correctly, your midichlorian count is only 13,500. Is that correct, Kylo Ren?" What?! This was news to you-- you had assumed that your midichlorian count would be insignificant compared to Ren's, but that apparently wasn't the case. Somehow, to your shock, your blood contained more midichlorians than Kylo Ren's.

By the change in his tone, you could tell that Ren was not happy about this fact. "Yes, Supreme Leader. That is correct," he responded, seemingly irritated. You noticed him start to clench and unclench his fists from your position slightly behind him. Snoke waved a hand, somehow sensing that Ren had more to say. "There was another thing," continued Kylo Ren, "we ran an ancestry test on her blood and determined that she is a direct descendant of Obi-Wan Kenobi. His granddaughter, to be exact."

You took a fluttering breath. Every time your newfound heritage was brought up, anxiety coursed through your entire body. You found yourself questioning if any of this was even real, or if you were simply dreaming. You didn't dare move to pinch yourself though, not wanting to attract any more attention than necessary. It was still difficult to believe that Obi-Wan Kenobi, a powerful Jedi Knight, was your grandfather. And here you were, oblivious to that fact for all of your life... until now. 

Snoke leaned forward in his massive throne, his disfigured body becoming closer than you'd ever want, assuming you had a say in things. You didn't want to look at his disfigured face, but somehow your eyes were drawn to him and you were unable to look away. "Now this is quite interesting. Ren, you are to train her as your apprentice and do with her as you see fit. I want her to be trained in the ways of the force," he said, to your immediate horror. "Dismissed."

Against your will, your entire body began to tremble and you were unable to stand up even though Kylo Ren had already risen. "Don't be afraid," Ren said to you as he once again stretched out his gloved hand. Although you had no desire to take his hand, you knew you were unable to get up of your own will. You wanted nothing more than to leave that awful room; you wanted to leave Snoke's eerie gaze as quickly as possible. Gritting your teeth, you took Kylo Ren's hand, feeling his warmth through the glove. It wasn't unpleasant, actually. It helped remind you that this man before you was human, just like you. "Can you walk on your own?" he asked, likely noticing that you were shaking even more. You shook your head tersely. 

To your surprise, Ren gently took your elbow instead of leaving you there to rot. He led you out of the room, ensuring that your wobbly legs wouldn't suddenly give out beneath you. How can he be so cruel, yet so gentle also? You wondered as the two of you walked the corridors of Starkiller Base. He still hadn't taken his hand from you. For some reason, you didn't want him to release your arm, and you were glad that he held onto you until the two of you were standing outside of your personal living quarters.

"Take the rest of the day off. Your training will begin tomorrow, but don't show up to work. I will retrieve you from your quarters," said Commander Ren as he finally released your arm. 

"Yes, Commander. Understood," you responded, fully expecting him to leave as you punched in the code to open your door. However, when you looked over your shoulder, he was still standing there at the threshold. "Um... sir?"

He hesitated for a moment, then finally asked, "what is your name?" His voice seemed smaller, maybe even a bit ashamed. You held back a laugh, it seemed funny that he would go to the trouble of testing your blood before asking your name. Usually, it was the other way around. You could have ignored him, though it likely wouldn't have gone well for you. Instead, you looked directly into the visor of his helmet and answered the question, hoping that it wasn't a mistake to give him your name. He nodded, seeming satisfied, then turned and walked away. 

The door slid shut behind you as you stepped into your quarters and flung yourself onto the bed. You were still attempting to process the day's events as you got up and went to the small dresser, intending to grab the secret communicator you kept hidden in a drawer. You used the communicator to send encrypted messages to the Resistance, detailing what you had learned about the enemy during your stay at Starkiller Base. 

Your thoughts were swirling around you head as you typed a message detailing what had occurred that day. You were confirmed to have the potential of being a Jedi. Obi-Wan Kenobi was your grandfather. You had met the Supreme Leader himself, and lived to tell the tale. And now, to your horror, Kylo Ren would be training you to be the thing you feared most: a Jedi killer and enemy to the Resistance. Unfortunately, you were so distracted by your thoughts that you forgot to encrypt the data before sending it. Instead of sending a coded message to the Resistance, you had made the data available to whatever prying eyes would no doubt intercept the message. You wouldn't realize this until it was too late, though, as you went to bed that night not realizing that anything was wrong.


	7. Family Heirloom

You waited for Ren to appear the next morning, hoping that your scrubs would be capable of enduring whatever movement his training entailed. It's not like you had anything else you could wear, unfortunately. It had been difficult falling asleep, as you had felt a sense of impending doom whenever you thought about how you would have to train to destroy the Resistance, which was the only home you'd ever had. And you thought about it a lot throughout the course of the night. It's going to be a long day, you groaned internally as the minutes stretched on while you waited for the commander to arrive. 

Finally, a heavy knock on your door alerted you of his presence. You sprung to your feet, hurrying to answer the door so as not to make the man more angry than necessary. It was inevitable that Kylo Ren would lose his temper over something, but you had no intention of becoming that reason. Just as you suspected, it was Ren you saw on the other side of your door as you slid it open. His hands were behind his back as he looked you up and down, most likely scrutinizing your scrubs with distaste. "I don't have anything else to wear, Commander..." you trailed off, nervous of what he would do next.

"I see. Luckily, I anticipated that you would be unprepared," he replied. 

Unprepared?! Who does this man think he is? Of course I'm unprepared, I didn't want to do any of this in the first place and I work in a med clinic! I'm not going to have Sith clothes just laying around, am I? You startled at your angry outburst, trying to stifle your thoughts. Best not to make him mad. He didn't seem to notice, instead he was fixated on pulling something out from behind his back. 

"I brought these for you. They will do much better than what you're currently wearing. Change into them and come back out." He was holding up a black sleeveless top and some black, tight-fitted pants. 

Hesitantly, you stretched out your arm and took them from him. "Th-thank you, Commander Ren. Sir," you hastily said before turning to change into the clothing. Although you didn't really want to wear clothes given to you by the man you hated most, it wasn't as if you had a choice in the matter. The uniform he gave you was surprisingly soft, made of quality material stolen from slaves, no doubt. But you couldn't dwell on that. 

After changing, you stopped for a minute to inspect the new outfit. Examining yourself in a small mirror, you could see that the pants hugged your rear end tighter than you would have liked, leaving nothing to the imagination. But other than that, everything fit perfectly. I can do this, you told yourself as you prepared to step out and face the fact that nothing would be the same after that day. 

Kylo Ren looked you up and down once again as you closed the door behind you, but this time he gave a small nod of approval. Without saying a word, he turned and started walking out of the staff quarters and toward wherever you would be training. You quickly followed, not wanting to get yourself in any kind of trouble. He led you through wide corridors and this time you were able to memorize the turns the two of you took. That would be good to know in case of an emergency. Finally, he reached a door which opened with a wave of his hand. Showoff, you thought before you could stop yourself. Kylo Ren either wasn't listening, or chose to ignore you because he still said nothing. It wasn't until you were both in the room that he finally spoke.

"Your training will proceed as follows. I will teach you how to use the force, then how to utilize proper stances when dueling a fellow force-user, and then you will be entrusted with a lightsaber. Do you understand?" The empty gaze of his mask drilled into you, and you suddenly found it hard to focus. 

"Yes, Commander. Do... do you just have lightsabers laying around on this base?" you asked, swallowing nervously. You figured now was as good of a time as any to ask questions. 

He shifted, seeming amused from his body language. "No, actually. The one you will be using belonged to your grandfather. It was left on the Death Star when Darth Vader killed him." Of course this would amuse him.

"Oh..." you trailed off, unsure of how to process this. Although you had never met Obi-Wan, the Resistance in you bristled at Ren's casual mention of his death, like it was a victory. It was a victory for him, you supposed, which would explain his actions. At least you would be using a lightsaber that tied you to the Resistance. You almost laughed, realizing that in other circumstances it would be like having a family heirloom handed down to you.


	8. What are you Hiding?

You sat there, staring at the lightsaber in your hand with an almost reverent attitude; this was the only artifact you'd ever held that had belonged to an ancestor of yours. Suddenly, you felt a sharp pain at your temple: the pain indicating that someone was going through your thoughts. Flinching, you pressed a hand to your temple and scrunched your face, wanting the stabbing pains to stop. You knew it was Commander Ren, but you were too afraid of him to demand that he cease going through your head at once.

A voice floated through your agony, bringing you back to the moment at hand. "Interesting," Kylo Ren remarked, and the pain slowly faded away. Without waiting for you to respond, he continued, "it appears that you are attempting to block your most personal thoughts, but you are obviously not trained in that process. That would explain why you seem to be in excruciating pain every time I dig deeply through your head. However, I am easily able to skim the surface of your mind without alerting you to my intrusion..." 

This was news to you. Attempting to block off my deeper thoughts from an intruder? It's not like I want anyone in my head, but I wasn't aware it was possible to do anything about it, you thought to yourself. 

Kylo Ren cleared his throat, startling you. "If you are blocking off your thoughts, you are likely attempting to hide something from me. Tell me what it is," he demanded. Taken aback, you jumped to your feet and tried to move away from him. You would never give up your secret; to give that up would be to die at his hands. "You don't need to be afraid," he continued, "tell me what you're--"

The doors to the training room flew open at that moment, and in walked a ginger-haired man with a sour looking face. The amount of stormtroopers standing around him gave you a very bad feeling. You noticed, to your horror, that he was carrying the device you had used to communicate with the Resistance. At this rate, you would likely end up dying at Kylo Ren's hands whether you talked or not.

"General Hux," demanded Kylo Ren as he addressed the ginger man, "what is the meaning of this interruption?" He sounded extremely annoyed, and you had no intention of aggravating him further. Unfortunately, that was bound to happen with this recent turn of events. 

"The girl you're training," answered Hux, "is a spy for the resistance. I took the liberty of searching her room and found this device." He waved your communicator, looking at it with visible disgust. "Apparently she has been using it to relay information to the Resistance for the past year." He looked over at you, a smug grin on his sour face. "ST-8753, ST-6641: apprehend the traitor!" Two stormtroopers stepped forward towards you, and you attempted to move away but something was holding you in place. The Force. Each stormtrooper grabbed one of your arms and held them behind your back. You didn't see the point; you were already immobilized by Kylo Ren. 

"Ah," replied Kylo Ren, "that would explain what she has been attempting to shield from me in her thoughts. What is to be done with her?" His tone did not indicate any surprise at this revelation from General Hux, and the panic within you rose with each passing second. This was not how you wanted the day to go. 

"I presume that you will want her executed, as is the procedure for all Resistance spies?" General Hux asked, his tone haughty. You really did not like this man, which was fairly understandable-- considering the circumstances. 

"No." You turned and stared, shocked that Ren would opt not to execute you. However, you were extremely apprehensive of what could happen next. Would he decide to have you tortured, then executed? Chopped into tiny pieces in order to divulge secrets about the Resistance? Whatever Kylo Ren wanted to do with you could not possibly be good. 

"No?" General Hux appeared to be incredulous at Kylo Ren's refusal to have you publicly executed like so many of your colleagues. "Well what the hell do you plan to do with her?"

"She is able to use the force; we cannot afford to execute her when she will be a useful weapon for the First Order once she is fully trained. I will punish her thoroughly for her foolish acts of rebellion. Then she will continue training under me." You shivered, wondering if this punishment would be anything like the last one Kylo Ren had doled out. The apex of your thighs grew warm at the memory of his touch and you forced yourself back to the situation at hand, disgusted at how easily you had become distracted by the thought of what this man could do to you. As if hearing your thoughts, Kylo Ren's head swiveled towards you. Your eyes met the visor of his mask and you flushed, embarrassed at how dirty your thoughts had been. "You would do well to control your thoughts, Resistance scum. They are quite loud when focused on... certain activities." You flushed darker, absolutely mortified. 

At least Hux didn't seem to have picked up on the meaning of Ren's last statement. "Fine," he huffed, "do what you wish with the girl. It is of little consequence to me, as long as she receives a proper punishment. Release the girl," he demanded before leaving the training room, bringing the stormtroopers with him. 

The doors slammed shut, and you were left at Kylo Ren's mercy, if he even had any. He rounded toward you, breathing heavily although he wasn't doing anything particularly exerting. You could hear his hot breath come through the vocoder of his mask as he got closer and closer. Finally, you realized that you were just standing there frozen in fear instead of trying to get away. You immediately backed up, not wanting to take your eyes off of the threat just feet away from you. He moved toward you at a leisurely pace, but eventually you found your back against the wall. You held your hands in front of you-- a weak defense against the killing machine advancing toward you. 

Kylo Ren stopped, his mask just inches from your trembling face. Warm, gloved hands suddenly grabbed your wrists and pinned them against the wall, above your head. "Now," he said, calling you you by name, "I'm going to give you a proper punishment."


	9. A Proper Punishment

He stood there for a full moment, pinning your wrists against the wall as you gazed up into his visor with wide, terrified eyes. Kylo Ren leaned in close and whispered in your ear: "I know exactly what I want to do to you." His whisper sent shivers down your body, and you felt the apex of your thighs growing hot again. Ren seemed to turn you on just as much as he terrified you, which was quite a bit. 

He finally removed his hands from your wrists, however you found them still pinned to the wall by some unseen force. Oh, it's THE Force, you thought, I'm dumb. For someone who was supposed to be training in the arts of The Force, you evidently had a lot to learn. Kylo Ren began to trace his gloved finger down your face, startling you from your thoughts. Without any warning whatsoever, your head twisted to the side with a sharp crack. Pain flared through your cheek as you realized that he had hit you. Before you had time to process what had happened, Kylo Ren backhanded you across the other side of your face. Dazed, you gawked at your reflection on your tormentor's helmet. You hadn't even realized that you were bleeding until you saw the offending red line trickling down your chin in your reflection; you must have bit your lip when he slapped you. 

"Is that the best you can do?" you scoffed, taunting him. Kylo Ren cocked his head for a moment, then reached out a gloved hand, stopping a few inches in front of you. Suddenly you couldn't breathe, and you felt your entire body sliding up the wall so that your feet were no longer touching the ground.

"I've hardly even started your punishment, foolish girl," responded Kylo Ren as you continued to gasp and choke. Your vision started to dim and for a second you were afraid that he would actually kill you. At that moment, however, the hold on your body vanished and you fell to the ground, landing in a heap.

After finally catching your breath, you retorted, "what punishment? Maybe the joke's on you, Ren, because I thoroughly enjoy being choked." Surprised by your own bold statement, you covered your mouth in a mix of shock and horror. Whatever happened to you next would most definitely not be good.

Kylo Ren took a step closer to you, but somehow the way he towered over you didn't scare you as much as it probably should have. "You will address me as 'Commander.' And I hope you're not entertaining the thought that I care about what you enjoy, because I do not." You swallowed; now you were nervous. 

"Y- yes Commander," you stuttered, wiping the blood from your chin. You had to admit, calling him Commander was pretty hot. Even though this man had hit and choked you, you wanted him to fuck you right here and now. 

He had definitely heard those thoughts. Kylo Ren's helmet snapped toward your face. "Oh? You want your Commander to fuck you right here and now?" Reaching down, he picked you up and roughly slung you over his shoulder. "Stupid whore," he muttered, "I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll be ruined." You could feel yourself getting soaking wet at his promise, wishing you had some way to hold him to it. 

Kylo Ren carried you across the training room-- oh stars, why did this have to happen in the training room? You knew you could never come in here again without thinking of the punishment. Ren halted at the huge glass window overlooking the night sky. Before you knew what was happening, your body was being shoved against that window with all the power of the Force. You were immobilized with your legs spread apart and your hands crossed above your head. It was so... hot, you realized, and you couldn't wait for what Ren was going to do to you next. Unfortunately for you, the Commander did not intend to cater this experience to your desires. 

Ren started removing your top, but ended up getting frustrated and simply ripping it off of you. He did the same with your pants and underclothes, leaving you shivering and vulnerable against the freezing glass. What he did next shocked you-- he pulled out his lightsaber. Kylo Ren seemed to sense where your train of thought was headed. "Oh no, filthy slut, I'm not going to fuck you with this. You haven't even come close to earning that," he scoffed. Instead, he ignited it. Holding it to the side, he advanced toward you. You squirmed, not wanting to be anywhere near that thing. 

He slowly brought the lightsaber closer to your exposed waist. "Are you afraid now? Now does this seem like a punishment, not like some stupid game?" You decided then and there: the man in front of you was psychotic. 

"Yes Commander," you whimpered, "you can stop now, I've learned my lesson..." 

"Oh I don't think you have." And then, he put it millimetres from your side. It wasn't close enough to touch you, but it was close enough to burn you. You gritted your teeth, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of watching you cry out in pain. This man would not break you. Somehow, you managed to make it through him giving your other side the same treatment without making a sound, although tears of pain began to gather in your eyes. You hurriedly blinked them away, not wanting to give Ren an ounce of satisfaction. Finally, he extinguished the lightsaber and tucked it back into his robes.

"The First Order owns you. I own you," Kylo Ren said in his monotone voice. "Defy me again and I won't show nearly the amount of restraint as I just did." 

You gave him a shallow nod in response, but evidently that wasn't enough. Quick as lightning, Kylo Ren's gloved hands gripped under your chin, forcing you to look at him. "What was that?" he demanded.

"Yes Commander," you forced out. His hand retreated as quickly as it had advanced. 

"Good," said Kylo Ren as he closed the gap between the two of you. Suddenly his hands were all over you. He traced his gloved fingertips through your hair, down your arms, up and down your sides. You shivered at the mix of pain and pleasure from his touch on your burned waist, feeling your lower torso grow warm. His cock was rock hard against you, and you heard something being unzipped just before he was rubbing it at your lips. A moan escaped your lips. 

"So wet..." he murmured, before shoving his cock inside of you. He began to thrust in and out of you fast and hard, building up to an unrelenting pace. He dug his fingers around your hips, forcing himself deeper into you and likely leaving some bruises. You ached to rub at your clit, but unfortunately your hands were still immobilized. You wanted to climax around him so bad.

"C-commander, please," you sobbed, needing to climax around him. One of his hands left your hips and rubbed at your clit, stimulating you even further. His cock throbbed inside of you as his rhythm became unsteady, and you knew that he was as close as you were. You screamed out something unintelligible, so close to orgasm. 

Just as you were about to climax, he pulled out of you and immediately began fisting himself. You cried out, hating him in that instant for getting you so close and then taking it all away. Kylo Ren moaned as he came onto your face and chest. "You don't get to cum until I say so," he panted, placing a hand against the wall above your shoulder and bracing himself above you. Tears spilled down your cheeks, you were furious that he'd ruined your orgasm when you were so close to blissful release. Kylo Ren had stayed true to his promise: he had ruined you in more ways than one against the glass window for anyone to see. 

Ren released his hold on your body, and you slumped against the window, sliding down until you were sitting on the floor with your legs spread apart. "Get up," he ordered, taking off his cloak and unceremoniously dropping it onto you. "Go back to your quarters before someone finds you in here. I expect you back here for training at 0900 tomorrow."

You stared up at him, dumbfounded. You had no idea how you were going to be able to walk anytime in the next week after the harsh treatment he'd given you. But before you were able to voice that concern, he had already turned and strode out of the room. You looked over at your clothes-- they were shredded. That's why Ren had given you his cloak. Shivering, you wrapped it around yourself and began to haul yourself to your feet. Kylo Ren did have a point: you didn't want anyone to find you before you had the chance to clean up and process the emotions that were boiling inside of you.


	10. Consequences

As soon as the door to your quarters was slammed shut behind you, your legs gave out and you sank to the floor in a broken mess, Kylo Ren's cloak pooling around you on the cold tile floor. You wanted nothing more than to just lie there until morning, but you knew better. The burns on your sides and cut on your lip needed to be treated, especially the first ones if you wanted to reduce scarring. And you still had his cum on your face— it was a miracle that you hadn't passed anyone on your journey back to your rooms. You quickly came to your senses and used the heavy black cloak to wipe it all off of you. Groaning in pain, you dragged yourself over to the drawer filled with your medical equipment and started to pull out the tools you would need. Sterile bandages, a cauterizer (just in case), alcohol prep pads, burn ointment, the works.

You realized that the Commander's cloak was still draped around you and quickly ripped it off, disgusted by how it reminded you of your earlier encounter. However, you couldn't dwell on him right now. You needed to clean up your wounds and get some well deserved sleep. The burns on your side throbbed, as if validating the fact that they needed your attention right now. 

Sitting there naked on the floor of your quarters, you finally forced yourself to examine the damage Kylo Ren's lightsaber had done to your waist. It did not look good. Not even in the slightest-- but that was to be expected of a lightsaber wound. Steeling yourself, you ripped open a few alcohol prep pads to clean the skin around the burns. Cleaning out the wounds themselves with alcohol would do more harm than good, so once you were done cleaning the outside area you hauled your aching body to the sink to use some good old-fashioned mild soap and water for the burns. It was highly uncomfortable, and by highly uncomfortable you meant extremely agonizing. Finally, you were satisfied with the cleanliness of your sides and plopped back onto the floor, rummaging around for the burn ointment. After gingerly applying that ointment that felt blissfully cool around your damaged skin, you finished the job with the sterile, clear bandages that you applied over the wounds. 

It was times like these that you really appreciated your training as a medic nurse-- it would be really embarrassing to explain to someone else how you had gotten these injuries. Finally, you turned your attention to the cut on your lower lip. Luckily you hadn't bitten it too hard, and it looked like it would heal up within a few days. You figured applying some antibiotics would help, and liberally spread it over the affected area. At last, your most pressing injuries were taken care of and you could turn your thoughts to... 

You could turn your thoughts to processing your emotions following your encounter with Ren. You pushed those emotions to the side for a moment, not wanting to deal with it yet. What you wanted right now was to get the rest of your body cleaned up, you were sweaty and absolutely disgusting from the day's events. Although you couldn't risk a full shower with your burns, you were able to wipe yourself down with a washcloth well enough. Braiding your hair back would get it out of your face for the time being, and you were willing to settle for that. Just for now though, you intended to take a full shower tomorrow once you could stop at the medbay and acquire some protective waterproof material to put on over your bandages. 

Your cunt was getting more and more sore from the relentless pounding you had received from Kylo Ren earlier as you went about cleaning yourself up. You needed to lay down, and it needed to be soon. Sighing, you pulled on a loose shirt and some panties, intending to clean up the mess of medical things on your floor the next day. Your emotions were still pushing at you, needing to be released as you flopped into bed, curling up on your side. You really didn't want to process any of this right now. You didn't want to feel like you were just being used again, you didn't want to agonize over the way you had just let the Commander have his way with you. You especially didn't want to dwell on the fact that you would have to see him again in the morning and pretend that nothing had happened; pretend that you weren't, in fact, starting to feel something more for him. Even though it was completely stupid, he had said it himself-- you meant absolutely nothing to him. 

You had no intention of processing any of the whirlwind of emotions in your head at that moment. But unfortunately, an encounter with the Commander had consequences and you were unable to focus on anything else. You had managed to hold the tears at bay until that last thought came to you-- that you meant nothing. You couldn't hide from the truth forever, Kylo  
Ren did not care about you one bit. He might want you alive to train, but that was only so that you could become another disposable weapon for the First Order. It was at that moment you realized: you were completely replaceable. It didn't matter that you were force-sensitive, it didn't matter that you were sexually attracted to Kylo Ren. He could easily find another weapon, another tool. Another girl to satisfy his lusts. 

A sob left your lips as you pulled your knees to your chest. You didn't understand why you were so worked up about this, you shouldn't care what Ren thought of you. But for some reason, you really did care. You wanted him to want you, wanted him to think of you when he was alone in the dark-- just like how you thought about him every night. But you couldn't kid yourself anymore, not after he had just left you in the training room after using you. He had used you up and thrown you away, just like everyone else in your life had. Nobody had ever come back for you after they left you. It was unlikely that the Resistance would even come for you after you had been discovered, you simply weren't that important. You were just a worthless, dumb girl that could be used until all of you was gone. Then you would just be thrown away, drifting in the nothingness until someone decided to use you again. Tears flowed freely down your cheeks as you sobbed some more, coming to the bitter realization that nobody actually cared about you. 

You knew then and there that you could completely disappear and nobody would give a fuck. Kylo Ren might be mad because he couldn't use you as his weapon or his plaything anymore, but he would quickly find someone else. There wasn't really anything special about you, and you knew it. So what if you could use the Force? If you could do it, others could too. So what if you and Kylo Ren had some sort of sexual tension flowing between the two of you? Deep down, you just saw yourself as another hole for him to fuck. It would be extremely easy for him to find another one of those. 

You were worthless, and you knew it. You just wish it didn't have to hurt so bad. You weren't expecting Kylo Ren to cuddle with you after, or anything silly like that. But it would've been nice if he had helped you back to your quarters, instead of just leaving and treating you like some toy. But apparently, that's all he saw you as. A toy. Something to use and then throw away when it didn't amuse you anymore. Well, when he eventually threw you away (if he hadn't already done that a couple hours ago), you wanted to be ready. You didn't want to feel like this ever again, though you suspected that there wasn't really another option. A foolish, naive girl like you, wanting to be loved? That was ridiculous. You didn't deserve to be loved after you let Kylo Ren use you the way he did, not offering any resistance. You hated yourself for enjoying the way he treated you, but you supposed it was what you deserved. After all, you were just as he said: worthless and completely replaceable. You were nothing, you meant nothing. 

Your thoughts spiraled deeper and deeper into self-loathing as you cried yourself to sleep that night, until you had completely assured yourself that you were worthless. Being used by the Commander had consequences, and this was one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so I kinda went off the deep end and probably went overboard with the feelings at the end, sorry! Anyways I really hope that this isn't triggering to anyone, it was honestly kind of triggering to me as I wrote it but I put a lot of emotion into this and I feel like it's real. And honestly, that's what I want with this work (as much as possible, at least haha). Anyways, feel free to let me know what y'all think!


	11. Tension Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise between you and Kylo Ren, to the point where things are unbearable between the two of you.

Training the next morning went as usual, with no mention of the previous night's events. If Kylo Ren noticed that your eyes were red-rimmed and swollen from crying, he didn't say anything. The hours stretched into days, and still there wasn't a word from Ren about what had transpired between the two of you. It was driving you insane— to not have received even a shred of recognition from him. But things were simply business as usual; Ren seemed to be extremely focused on your training. He focused on your training even more than you did, but that was to be expected. After all, you didn't really want to be a weapon for the organization that you hated with every fiber of your being. 

To your disappointment, Kylo Ren still had yet to train you with your grandfather's lightsaber. You had progressed to meditating and levitating objects, however you wanted to be trained in combat. Lifting up rocks might be nifty, but being able to fight back against Kylo Ren would be useful. You didn't intend to stick around long enough to become a weapon for the First Order, and you knew that Ren would let you go easily. That's why it was essential that you learned how to wield the saber-- a battle with the commander was inevitable, and you intended to win.

The days continued to stretch on, and you felt the tension between you and your master grow with each passing second. Soon, you knew that someone would snap— and it would probably be you. Every little thing that Ren did pissed you off more and more, as he still had yet to comment on the punishment you had received. In fact, he hadn't said anything sexual towards you since that night, and it was really getting on your nerves. Not that you wanted to do anything sexual with him again, you had no intention of being left broken afterwards. Again. But it seemed strange to act as if things were normal between the two of you, because they really weren't. Some days you wondered if he was even human-- he seemed to show no emotions other than anger or annoyance. You still had yet to see underneath his mask, so for all you knew he could be green and covered in hair. Or ugly. Not that you cared, though.

As you paid closer attention to your mentor, you started to notice little things that seemed off about him. His shoulders seemed more tense, and he was getting even more short with you, if that was even possible. Although you didn't want to hope, you wondered if perhaps it was starting to affect him too. It wasn't until a week after your "punishment" that the tension became too much for the both of you. Kylo Ren and you were hardly speaking to each other, and you could feel the frustration in the training room as if it were steam rising from you both. It was unpleasant, to say the least. You were getting better and better at reading someone's aura through the Force, and it was obvious that things were not okay between you and your mentor.

Finally, you felt something snap between the two of you. Your connection with the Force wavered for a moment, and you lost your hold on the weights you were levitating. You watched numbly as they tumbled to the ground, gaze flickering to your master seated across the room from you. His chest was rising and falling quickly, and you could feel his eyes on you through the visor of his helmet. Putting his gloved hands to his thighs, you watched him push himself to a standing position. He stood there a moment, looking you over. He then started walking towards you, startling you a bit. You immediately jumped to your feet, backing away from him just a little. He noticed your sudden fear, and stopped advancing toward you. 

"I..." he trailed off, voice unsure. He was still looking at you through the helmet, and you held his gaze. "I'm sorry."

'He's what? Well, this sure is unexpected,' you thought, before responding, "sorry for what, exactly?"

His gaze dropped to the floor, making you wonder if he was actually being sincere about feeling bad for whatever he had done. You had your suspicions toward whatever he was apologizing for, but you kept silent about them, wanting to hear it directly from him. "I'm sorry for how I treated you," he apologized, "for using you like that and tossing you aside. I know it affected you, and... I didn't mean--" he cleared his throat, gruffly, "--I didn't mean to hurt you like that." You heard only static through the vocoder of his helmet, and figured he was done.

You couldn't believe it; he had finally uttered the words you had so desperately hoped to hear. Even though it was strange, Kylo Ren being vulnerable, his words did make you feel a little bit better. Still, you weren't really sure what to say. He was looking at you now, obviously expecting some sort of a response. "Thank you," you said, hoping it was the right choice of words. 

Judging by his nod in response, you figured it had worked well enough. There was a brief moment of silence between the two of you, and you shifted uncomfortably. "I could feel it with the Force. The tension between you and I. I know you felt it, too," he finally said. You nodded your agreement; the tension really had been unbearable. "Anyway," he continued, "training is over for today. Meet back here tomorrow at the usual time, I think you're ready for combat training."

This had been one hell of a conversation-- first Kylo Ren had actually apologized to you, and now he was ready to train you in combat? You decided not to question any of it, afraid he would change his mind about either of the shocking things he had just said to you. "Yes, commander," you quickly responded, trying not to show how elated you were at the prospect of maybe getting to use your lightsaber the following day. You still hadn't gotten it back since your run-in with General Hux, and you figured Kylo Ren was holding onto it for safekeeping. Regardless of who had it currently, all you knew was that you wanted it in your possession so that you could leave the First Order before you were forced to do something that went against your moral code. You kept those last few thoughts buried deep inside your head, though. It would not be beneficial if Ren somehow figured out you were planning to run back to the Resistance as soon as possible.

You quickly turned to leave, wanting some time alone to process what Kylo Ren had said to you. It was still a bit hard to believe that he had actually apologized to you, and you tried very hard to squash the tiny bit of hope that was growing inside you. Hope that maybe he didn't actually view you as worthless and replaceable. It would make things easier if the two of you could at least be friendly. Even though you were loath to admit it, you secretly wished that the two of you could maybe be even more. You couldn't deny that you were attracted to your mentor, though it would be much easier if you didn't have those feelings. It would make things even worse if he somehow found out, but deep down, you suspected that he might already know.

Either way, it wouldn't matter. You were going to leave the First Order as soon as you were confident in your abilities to duel Kylo Ren with a lightsaber. And you'd be damned if you let an attraction (that was most definitely not returned) stop you from getting the hell out of enemy territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone that's gotten this far! I would really appreciate some feedback, please :)


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